Serbian Crown

To be fair, the rating of 3 is given after only one visit, albeit with a large group. Serbian Crown displays a Washingtonian award in a back corridor, so somebody thought well of it. But the date on it is 1980. The place has seen better days.

The decor is what my parents’ generation might have called Old World. I call it outdated and stuffy, but then I have a Spartan aesthetic. The menu, though, is old world, too, full of dishes I associate with the 60s or 70s (and perhaps wrongly so). But first things first. They have a large selection of vodkas, including my favorite (Chopin), so starting out with a shot was the way to go. But then, as our first courses arrived, it occured to my bitter and cynical brain that perhaps the reason vodka is so popular in Eastern Europe is because it covers the taste of the food. My friends seemed to enjoy their caviar and wild game pate; I’m not sure how the pierozhki were received. The borscht ’Moscow Style’ had the unfortunate smell of overcooked cabbage, but tasted better. Most everybody at the table enjoyed their second courses: most of us had assorted wild game, including antelope, emu, and roast suckling pig. But I found my venison to be mediocre at best, absolutely swimming in an overly cornstarch-thickened Marsala sauce, and tasting like old beef. Steve’s beef stroganoff was better, but hardly worth the price. I had a bite of the pig, and found it fatty and bland.

Desserts looked better on the cart than they tasted. Just like the other dishes we sampled, they weren’t exactly bad, just not as good as you’d hope.

Service was, well, strange. The waiter was very attentive, but the small flock of servers often forgot to bring out dishes, and didn’t seem to understand special requests (like for more hot water and an empty tea cup).

The bill for eight of us, on the average with three courses and one drink each, worked out to $50 per person, before tip. If you want a nice dinner out for that price, you have a lot of better options in the DC metro area.

As I walked into the back corridor at the end of the meal and saw that old award displayed, I got a whiff of that decades-old-tobacco-smoke-and-booze-stuck-in-upholstery smell. If you know what I mean by that, you’ll probably feel the way I do about Serbian Crown: it’s old and tired and needs some freshening up.

If this restaurant is crowded, forget it — it’s tiny inside, unless I just didn’t see the huge room full of tables. Otherwise though, you’re in for some fantastic (if a bit pricy) food, picked from a menu that features animals I know I’ve never even thought of eating before like boar. BOAR. If you bring a date here and he/she isn’t impressed, you need to dump that fool.